A Picture Worth A Thousand Questions
As I scrolled through my social media, a contact's profile picture caught my eye. It was a portrait of her family - she, her husband and their cute little kid. My mind wandered, contemplating the path that had led them to that moment. To that point in their lives. It also left me questioning the decisions I had yet to make.
In that fleeting moment - or maybe not that fleeting as I am still thinking about it - I found myself confronted with the stark reality of my own life. The striking differences between their reality and mine, even though this person is a few couple years my senior in age. I was far from having a family of my own - something that society really values. I questioned myself: Did I really want that for myself? Was that my dream or someone else’s? How much did I care about fitting into the norm? Why does it bother me that I'm not close to having one? I truly don't desire it, I am certain. Then why this thought spiral?
I knew that the picture was not a simple snapshot. It was a result of many struggles and sacrifices; hardships and hard work - both in the past and to follow. I was happy for them and wished them well. But I also asked myself: Why is this picture so desirable and admired? What does it mean to have a family like that? Is it about happiness, love, or belonging? But I have a family I deeply care for, who make me feel happy, loved and belonged. It just looks different. But that family photo is my parents’ achievement. Why is it not mine? I might not have forged those bonds but I maintained them through shared experiences, (un)conditional love, and unwavering support. What is this social ranking of familial bonds? Or is it all in my head?
I realise that these questions are not easy to answer. They are influenced by age, gender, culture and others. Especially as a woman in her late twenties, anxieties come hand-in-hand with age. I feel the pressure from my parents and society, to follow a certain path and timeline. But I’m a misfit for that. It isn’t for me. Then why is not having that, making me anxious too? It is hard to breathe under the burden of expectations. But why is the thought of the complete departure of these expectations daunting too?
The picture made me reflect on myself and my goals. It made me think about what makes me happy, fulfilled, and purposeful. I know life isn’t a race or a competition. Everyone has their own pace and preferences. Everyone has their own definition of success and fulfilment. I decided to listen to my own voice and follow my own heart, regardless of what others think or say. I just wish I had more confidence in that. A bit more faith in myself.
People say in the end, the choices you make and the paths you take are yours alone. That you should not let society or anyone else dictate your life. They shape your stories and identities. But why does that not feel like the whole truth? Yes, you alone live with the consequences, but do you alone get to make those choices? Are you afforded that much liberty, especially in this society? I have to be true to myself and my passion. I just wish I knew what they were with higher certainty. From where do I get the courage to create my own life according to my own values and aspirations?
I might or might not have that family picture one day, but I know I have to live my life on my own terms. I have to find my own happiness and fulfilment in whatever I do. I have to be brave enough to follow my passion and create my own story. But how?
Image courtesy: dDara via The Noun Project
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